Is Perfectionism A Sign of Low Self Confidence?

I was told recently, by someone who suffers from fears associated with perfectionism, that he had asked himself a very important question.  ‘I don’t really know who I am.  Who am I?’ Since our understanding of who we are has implications on how we live our lives, and how we relate to ourselves and to each other, this week I examine  perfectionism as it relates to self confidence.

What is Perfectionism?

The perfectionist wants to get everything right all the time.  For people who suffer from perfectionism making mistakes or failing is not acceptable.  They even prefer to avoid situations where they may not perform well, be criticised or judged.  This limits their abilities to live fulfilled lives and make the most of their talents.  I have known people who could not talk in public due to their perfectionism.  There were others who would refuse projects they really would grow into.  Some others go through dangerous physical operations to look perfect.

Obviously this pursuit of the perfect is imposed upon us by society through modern family, educational and business cultures.  We define who we are through the feedback we receive from examinations and others.  Do they really reflect who we are?  We are a conscious intelligence, timeless beings operating in a human space capsule, comprising of networks of energy fields, lines of light.  When we end up being afraid of rejection because we may perform according to some perfect, unreachable standard, we really  need to be smart and look into these self harming conditionings with awakened eyes.  I discussed this process in more detail in Why Do We Care So Much What Other People Say.

Failure Increases Self Confidence

As we spend our time trying to please others, or trying to avoid displeasing others, the  self knowledge about our purpose on this earth which hides what we feel passionate about escapes us.  We feel dis-connected. This is how low self confidence gets associated with our identity.

Tal Ben-Shahar teaches one of the most popular courses at Harvard on how to live a happy life.  He is the author of  The Pursuit of Perfect: How to Stop Chasing Perfection and Start Living a Richer, Happier Life. Ben-Shahar says ‘Paradoxically, our overall self-confidence and our belief in our own ability to deal with setbacks may be reinforced when we fail, because we realize that the beast we had always feared—is not as terrifying as we thought it was.’

Invitation: Workshops to Increase Self-Confidence

The impossible pursuit of perfection is both a sign and contributor to low self confidence.  Real failure and painful emotions come from the freedom to allow ourselves to make mistakes yet they are also the building blocks of high self confidence.

In the autumn of 2016 I will be offering a series of workshops on self-confidence.  Before these I will be sending some helpful tools to help you increase your self-confidence and achieve autonomy in your life.  If you are interested in benefiting from these resources register to my email list here and let’s stay connected.   I look forward to more closely connecting with  you once you have expressed an interest by sharing your e-mail address.

Get on the list by registering today!

 

Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-SA 2.0)image:Timothy Tsui