Troubled Children and Family Therapy
Family life is both simple and complex. You are responsible in providing financial resources, keeping in good shape as well as bringing up the kids. It is also important to have fun whilst doing this. When all goes well we experience bliss.
But sometimes life events, difficulties from our own past, illnesses, social pressures and other influences interfere with the easy flow of a fulfilling life. In this article I will be focusing why children get disturbed and what you can do about it.
Child Psychology
Children are much more able to understand emotionally what is going on in the house long before they can express it verbally. Even though we sometimes attempt to hide our emotions from children; such as anger towards a spouse, grieving over the death of a loved one, or inability to cope as a single parent, children can still sense an adult’s distress. In such situations they react in one of two ways.
When they act in a protective way they pretend they do not feel your pain and attempt to cheer you up.
But some children find the insincerity conveyed by their parents emotions and rebel and thus cause a distraction. This makes life more difficult for all involved.
I believe the greatest gift any parent can give to their children is to be a healthy, happy and fulfilled individual.
Children learn by modelling the same way as we all do. They copy how you behave, rather than what you say.
If you fail to attend your own difficulties long enough your children may start showing symptoms. So if your child is having difficulties, stop and think whether you are happy, healthy and fulfilled. If your answer is negative then it may be time to focus on how you could be different.
You deserve to be happier, healthier and more fulfilled.
Potty Training, And Going To School
The range of difficulties children experience is wide. They may have difficulty moving from one stage to another.
Toilet Training Is Just One Life Transition That Can Cause Distress!
Starting school is another stage where intense fears may leave families at a loss. When this happens a child would experience real anxiety about going to school. Of course adolescence presents with room for challenges to arise.
There are times the young person gets stuck at this stage and cannot move into the young adulthood phase. Forcing transitions upon the child will only turn the challenge into a power struggle.
Families need to be able to gently guide their children in the right direction without complicating the situation with labels and value judgements that their kids will carry all their lives with them.
Be careful when teasing about sensitive issues. It does not help them and may interfere with their self esteem and confidence.
Mental Health Counseling
Many illnesses, such as childhood asthma and diabetes, have strong psychosomatic components. This means they can be affected by psychological factors. For example an overprotective mother; parents fighting over who is going to have the custody of their child; or having a bully as a sibling; can easily smother an asthmatic child.
When small signs of a child’s unease go unnoticed, or the family adapts rather than attends to these signs, more serious problems may arise.
Attention deficit disorder, obsessive compulsive disorders, anxiety attacks, depression in children, eating disorders, addictions are some common childhood complaints in our high pressure mechanised society.
Such labels can be overwhelming for parents and they may even prevent them from getting the help they need. Family therapists are aware of the meaning of these terms but we do not label people with them. We prefer to describe how each person behaves in relation to other people in their family, school or workplace.
There are other problems that are to do with behaviour, such as, stealing, lying, defiance, temper tantrums, disobedience, overeating or hitting other kids. There are methods you can use to tackle such difficulties. However I urge you to approach any advice with intelligence.
The most important ingredient of helping a child to grow into a happy, healthy and fulfilled individual is their relationship with you as a parent. They need to know that whatever happens, even when you are firm and upset with them your love for your child remains unchanged. That is called unconditional love.
There is this wonderful saying a very good friend of mine shared with me recently:
“You can only understand something or someone as much as you love.”
The most important task of our lives is guiding our children towards becoming happy, healthy and self actualising individuals. This task requires you to be open, ready to learn, flexible, able to look at yourself critically, and develop.
I encourage you to appreciate the beauty and purity of your children and cherish every minute of your time together. If you are not able to do this, act before it is too late (although it is really never too late, but earlier the better), get help with a mental health counselor focusing on this specific purpose in mind. Remember absolutely nothing is worth getting between you and a loving relationship with your child.
