Becoming A Marriage and Family Therapist. Do You Have What It Takes?

I Probably Needed A Child Psychologist!

If you have been following my story you will know how, by following the path in my heart I was able to overcome a difficult family environment and develop into a happy, healthy and fulfilled individual, wife and mother.

Before I Became A counselling psychologist and psychotherapist

During my secondary school years I was interested in personal development. I sought new perspectives that would free me from all my frustrations and hang-ups. I knew life could be more enjoyable than the way I was approaching it. The last year of the lycee was probably the most stressful time for me. The pressure of the university entrance exams was combined with all the complications of adolescence. Apart from constant preoccupation with the exam preparations, I suffered from outbursts of crying at odd times, such as in the middle of a lesson, which was really embarrassing!

As this mixed up, studious serious girl I had to make some choices about my future. My world was limited by my environment. I cherish now the memory of my father gently widening my horizons when I mentioned to him that I might eventually have a job as a secretary at a school. I wanted to be self-sufficient as quickly as possible to unburden him from having to look after me. He said ‘you can do much better’; thus raising my goals much higher with one sentence. Such is the power that fathers have over their daughters’ futures.

Even so psychology was pretty alien to my immediate family. Maybe, I thought, if I made my hobby my profession I would have an enjoyable professional life. Also I hoped to find some solutions to my family problems along the way. My choice was surprising for my father, but he was able to relate to my reasoning as he did not enjoy his working life. Since those days, it seems I have become something of an example to many young people in my extended family who later chose to study psychology as their professional path.

Bosphorus University Psychology Degree

I was over the moon when the exam results reached us! I was going to study at Bosphorus University; in English, where I could learn from the best teachers in a beautiful location surrounded by nature, with lots of extracurricular activities to choose from.

Bosphorus University,
A Respected Psychology Faculty

There I learned the theories of child development, cognitive development, personality, learning, education, psychological testing as well as different branches of psychology such as physiological, social, organisational and clinical. Statistics were a must to build the background to research. At the end of the 4th year of my undergraduate studies one of my very good teachers told us that we were not becoming psychologists, we were becoming people who studied psychology. We needed now to specialise. I was shocked! I felt betrayed and disempowered when I learned that all this study had only prepared me for even more study! I felt no nearer to being independent and supporting myself.

It took me long time to overcome a sense of not being adequate following this news. Since then I learned that who you are is as important as what you study, if not more so. The research about the efficacy of therapy reveals that the client-therapist relationship is the most important thing. I have also confirmed this in my practice. Let’s say you came to see me for a particular difficulty in your life. I listen to you. Maybe you feel warmth and acceptance helping you to feel safe during our interactions? You feel contained, able to move forward without being judged. You can experiment with new ways of thinking and being knowing it is safe to do so. You start knowing yourself better. Your story is changing. I witness this, validating you whenever positive changes are made. Then we both move towards different directions each of us transformed by meeting and resolving your difficulties.

Hanging Out With Psychotherapists

Once I got over my shock at realising that I still needed to study further I sought out a speciality that I could feel passionate about. During this final year I decided to be an apprentice. I worked at Istanbul’s major centres. Leyla Navaro’s centre was called Nirengi, I became participant observer in some of their group therapies and wrote some papers about my experiences.

Later my interest in family therapy took me to Yavuz Erten’s İçgörü Danışmanlık Merkezi. There I tried to convince Murat Dokur to accept me as an assistant. He was one of the two people I knew in Istanbul who practiced family therapy. He never had apprentices before and he was not sure if he wanted one, but that year Murat Dokur kindly allowed me to observe his sessions with families. I supported him to teach these skills to professionals. Emre Konuk who is the founder of Davranış Bilimleri Enstitüsü also generously opened for me his rich library on family therapy literature.

In those days Family Therapy was not a speciality offered in Turkish universities. In fact despite its relevance for our culture and effiecency it still is not. So I had to find ways of studying abroad. As a student I was slightly above average but my grades were not high enough to be eligible for a scholarship. Fortunately my father was willing to support me. I knew he was putting himself under pressure but my wish to become a family therapist was so great that I accepted his offer.

There was another hurdle to overcome. Family therapy was a speciality offered to clinicians already in practice. However as you know my teachers were adamant that I should be specialised before I could practice. I was stuck between two systems!

London University Institute of Psychiatry

Following a telephone interview with Dr. Ivan Eisler I was invited to study for a ‘Preliminary Family Therapy Certificate’ programme at London University’s Institute of Psychiatry. I was able to witness different applications of family therapy in different settings. For example in the Child Guidance Clinic of a deprived area we helped children with problems, such as bedwetting, intense fears, violent behaviour or eating disorders using family therapy skills. Another context was the Marital Clinic witin a large hospital helping couples with their sexual and communication difficulties.

The Institute of Psychiatry Pioneers Worldwide
In Family Therapy And Family Counseling

I enjoyed observing sessions and contributing as part of different teams. Despite my lack of clinical hands on experience I was able to impress my tutors with my conceptual and theoretical knowledge. That is how I managed to be accepted to Master of Science in Family Therapy at the University of London. I often count this as one of my major achievements in life.

I spent a further year learning family therapy. This involved practicing under supervision in 2 major hospitals in London, lots of further reading, lots of seminars from leading professionals in the field, tutorials on clinical skills, carrying out a major research and writing a thesis. I passed my written exam, I presented my videotaped work in front of a committe, answered their questions. This was a very intense year. I continued to practice in England for some time after that, which included family assesment and writing reports for use in english domestic courts.

Finally I had an official Masters degree that confirmed I completed the studies required to practice as a family therapist. What did it mean though? Was I any different than the last year of my undergaduate studies? It took me quite a few years to feel confident in what I had to offer to people. And I was lucky to have the support of my husband Stephen, who was a pioneer of family therapy in the U.K.

Family Therapy Training In Istanbul

This is how I acquired some of the skills that inform my practice today. Between 2002 and 2004 together with Stephen we tried to make learning family therapy skills more widely available in Turkey.

One of the achievements we take pride is the formation of the Family Therapy Clinic with the live supervision team at Çocuk Akıl Sağlığı ve Rehberliği Derneği. The team consisted of people who are already practicing in the field, as social workers, psychiatrists, nurses in hospitals, as psychological counselors in schools.

A Family Therapy Training Seminar In Istanbul

The team watches the family therapy session, with family’s consent, via a video link. As the session progresses the team can communicate with the therapist. This is a common way for family therapy to be conducted. It enables the family to benefit from all the different views of the team members . Trainees also learn family therapy practice.

We Present Our Work To The
International Family Therapy Congress Istanbul, 2004

The training Stephen and I developed in 2003 reflected all the criteria of the Association for Family Therapy from U.K. It had one aspect that none of the other trainings worldwide include: Personal Development.

Our training expects family therapy trainees to carry out monthly homeworks that involves sometimes other family members. The course requires the trainers to provide continuous feedback to each of the students. It is demanding on the part of the trainee as well as the trainers.

If you are training to be a family therapist or thinking about it you must be prepared to look at yourself from outside and change. You also need to be able to record your sessions some of the time and bring to supervision. We all need the perspective of colleagues as mental health professionals. This becomes a must when you start working with families as families are powerful systems and it is very important to have the right kind of support. This will allow you to stay neutral, whilst supporting everybody without taking sides and to gently challenge.

Family Therapy isn’t something to be entered into lightly. Your therapist, as you have seen through my story, must have years of training and the right kind of support.

It is also possible to treat individuals using family therapy methods, but even when this is the case you would do well to check your therapist’s credentials including how they receive their supervision.