Preparing for Parenthood : A Parent Is Born

Parenthood is one of many miracles we get used to on our planet.  This gift of nature, when it is taken for granted may also be associated with a lot of suffering in the world.  When we allow ourselves to let go, to open up to love and to be loved unconditionally our wounded inner child starts healing.  Here I talk about how whilst preparing for parenthood you can heal you inner child and be reborn as a parent.

 

Preparing for Parenthood One Stage At A Time

You have some time to prepare for your rebirth as a parent, and you need every minute of it to adjust.  You must attend to the requirements of the stage where you are, as each stage of parenthood builds upon the earlier one.  As you move from one stage to the next you are more likely to have calm labor, develop a healthy attachment with your baby, and avoid Postnatal Depression. Before going into labour you will have learned how to care for your baby and, afterwards, the skills will flow naturally.

Whether you are aware or not you are unconsciously preparing for parenthood.  That is why it takes some time to conceive and nature gives us 9 months gestation period before we can actually hold the baby in our arms.

Preparing to Parenthood By Healing The Inner Child

Our inner child is the result of years of conditioning by our own parents and teachers. It is often wounded.  In order to cope with childhood and adult traumas we develop shields that hinder our ability to love and to be loved.  In addition we want to control everything to avoid being hurt.  The journey of parenthood requires us to revisit our wounded inner children and heal them.  By reclaiming our capacity to love and to let go of the need to control that we are reborn as parents.

If you are considering becoming a parent for the first time there are many aspects of the process ahead of you that are unknown.  There is the pregnancy that changes your body and mind at a deep level in a way you have never experienced before.  Even though man’s bodily changes are not as observable as mothers it is true for fathers as well.  I remember my husband putting on weight while we were pregnant:) There are lots of visible and not so visible physical and emotional changes fathers go through during pregnancy as well.

Even though nature is doing its best to prepare us emotionally and psychologically for  parenthood we need to do our bit by working with it, rather than against it.  There are lots of classes teaching you about how to look after your body and after the baby.  Here I give you some tools for you to be reborn internally as a parent.

 Prepare for Parenthood By Letting Go Of Control

Parenthood is one of the most transformative journeys of your life.  That is why I was inspired by the term Sheryl Paul uses as the title of her home study program ‘Birthing a New Mother’ which is a wonderful resource to prepare you emotionally for motherhood.  You may have lived with the illusion that you are in control.  The sense that you are in control might even have given you the feeling of security to have a child.  Your inner child needed this control to feel safe.  The first lesson you need to learn is to let go.  There are so many changes beyond your control associated with parenthood that the best way is to accept the loss of control.

It starts with the conception.  It does not always happen when you want it. Starting to let go as soon as you have the idea of a baby will make the process of conception smoother and allow you to accommodate to all the changes during pregnancy.  Labour is letting go of holding on to your baby so that he or she can emerge.

You might be observing other parents around you, making decisions about how to be or not to be with their kid on the basis of what they like and don’t like.  In this way they are trying to reduce their anxiety of the unknown.  Even though you might say you will never be like your parents your wounded inner child, if not healed is likely to replicate their behaviour.  I hear some parents say:  ‘I won’t be like my parents.’ or ‘My brother and his wife are too permissive of my nephew, he wants to be the centre of attention all the time.  I would like my child to be more independent and self sufficient.’ Or if you are becoming a parent for the second time you might say: ‘I was too fussy about food with my first child; I will be more relaxed with my second.’  These statements show me that the inner child of these parents is in desperate need of attention.

As you heal your inner child you will also be freeing from your preconceived ideas about how your child should be or not be.  This is the prerequisite for you to recognize his or her uniqueness and facilitate this uniqueness to manifest.  Did you know that best selling author Paulo Coelho was sent to mental hospital by his parents because he wanted to be a writer, and they wanted him to study law?  More and more parents are learning to think outside the box of social conditionings of what is considered as success.

Here are five suggestions for you, if you are becoming a parent:

• Focus on each stage and fill yourself with appreciation, joy and love
• Let go of needing to control everything, allow yourself to be loved and cared for
• Recognize your resources and accept help graciously
• Understand that your child will have his or her personality which you need to respect and nurture
• You do not own your child, you are given the privilege to nurture to bring their nature out