Family Therapy
Marriage and Family Counseling
I was always interested in the relationships between people. Even as a small child the ways adults communicated fascinated me. That is why I was drawn to Family Therapy which is sometimes called relationship or systems therapy. It focuses on changing the patterns that repeat themselves between people within a system of habits. These habits also organise how we relate to friends, colleagues and our immediate community.
The cause of the problem is less important for us family therapists than how to overcome it.
Therapy Family ??
No Need To Stress, Relax
If you have not had any previous experience of family therapy, or family counselling, it is normal to feel anxious when you ask for help. I attempt to put people at ease as the first step of our contact. We identify overlooked resources as well as explore problems. Everybody feels heard and understood. I support you to hear and understand each other as well.
There are several approaches in Family Therapy that I draw upon depending on your family’s needs. Your family might benefit from helping powerful members work together for common goals, redistributing roles more age apropriately, bringing parents closer to each other and helping brothers and sisters to be more cooperates. There are other times I give homework to interrupt destructive patterns.
Family Counseling With Children
Here is a simplified example to give you an idea. I have changed lots of details about the family to protect their privacy:
Jennifer is 30, Michael is 35, their son Jacob is 10, and their daughter Emily is 5 years old. The reason they came for therapy was Emily. She is very clingy, she cries a lot and very difficult to console. In addition she hits her brother violently. Jennifer and Michael were feeling defeated as parents. During the session Jacob gave a detailed account of Emily’s ‘bad behaving’ and seemed angry with her. The parents avoided talking to each other. Jacob asked his father why he came home so late every night. This made Emily calmer, she stopped making noise with the toys and listened to her father’s response.
Notice in this family that the children may have been drawn into the parents emotional separation. For some reason Jennifer and Michael had been unable to discuss their difficulties openly. I thanked Jacob and Emily for bringing their parents to me. I told them they accomplished their mission and they can transfer the job to me as this was my work and they should use their time to play fun games together. Emily looked at me and smiled, Jacob looked puzzled. I asked them to tell me a time when they had a very good time together as brother and sister. After they had explored this a bit they seemed to know that they were not needed for the next session.
Jennifer and Michael recognised there was a connection between Emily’s unease and how they had stopped communicating effectively as a couple. They were willing to work on their relationship. Jennifer was blaming Michael for being selfish, leaving her alone with the kids. Michael was minimising the time he spent home because he was feeling critisised by Jennifer. We clarified in the session, what would make Michael unselfish for Jennifer, and for Michael to feel like coming home early and how each of them are affected by the current situation. They realised the ways their behaviours triggered each other into spirals of unhappiness.
Understanding problem communication may not be sufficient to fix it. For this reason I suggested a homework exercise. Every day Jennifer was going to try to guess if Michael will be late or not. Michael was going to be unpredictable in the times he came home to make her guess more difficult. In this way I became, temporarily, responsible for maintaining the problem, giving Jennifer and Michael the freedom to experiment and play with their communication and emotions.
I saw Jennifer and Michael for 6 sessions. They talked about problematic subjects between them such as Michael’s closeness with his mother, Jennifer’s habits of spending money and how they organise their holidays. Even though they have not resolved all their problems they made progress in their ability to communicate about them openly. Michael is now coming home after work at times more acceptable to Jennifer.
In the last session Emily and Jacob attended as well. We discussed the changes in the family, their ideas about the therapy and about the future. Emily and Jacob had become a team, having fun together. Emily was much more relaxed. It was pleasant to see family membres smiling as I said goodbye.
This family having had a positive and helpful contact with a mental health professional, will undoubtedly feel much more comfortable to ask for help if they need it in the future..
Couples Therapy For Your Problems
Not all stories have happy ending! There are couples who come to get help for a problem and during the therapy process they decide they are not good for each other and split up. Therapy can be like a catalyst and facilitate changes that are likely to happen in the future. When a change that may need to happen is blocked permanently, such as in the case of a couple with no common feelings or interests who cannot organise themselves, or even separate, children may experience severe emotional problems.
Marriage and Family Therapy
Therefore when I am asked what my success rate is I have to clarify what I mean by success. Many people think ‘saving marriage’ is a success. I believe success is for you to be able to make the right decisions for yourself to lead a healthy and fulfilling life. There are times when the couple outgrow their initial reasons and attractions for being together and they want to go to different directions.
Help Your Child Through Divorce
If you have children it is much better for them to have parents who are brave enough to take risks rather than dulled by an unsatisfactory marriage. In such cases it is very important to provide a secure base for the kids. Parents can do this by respecting and facilitating their children’s relationship with the other parent. This includes co-operation with the other parent and providing access at reasonable times. Co-operating with school and holiday arrangements are also key areas where parents must continue to co-operate. How I help divorcing parents make this process as smooth as possible for their children is the subject of another aticle with you can rich from here.
