What to Do with Emotional Pain?

Last morning I woke up with a client in mind, thinking they need to learn how to be with emotional pain. Some of us display automatic responses to emotional pain.  As we grow in awareness, we start to approach emotional pain in accordance with our beliefs.  Our attitude in the face of emotional pain shapes our destiny.  This is why I inquired into this question of what to do with it.

What Is Emotional Pain? When Do We Feel It?

We can define emotional pain as having our ego bruised, feeling alone, inadequate and un-lovable as we are.

Here are some of the situations where we experience emotional pain:

1. Violation of our boundaries
2. Feeling helpless
3. Trying to explain ourselves and being misunderstood
4. Feeling wronged
5. Being subject to varying degrees of criticism

Often, the origin of the emotional pain is not at the present, a past trauma becomes buried in our uncounscious, disconnected from us. It gets triggered now for us to be able to transform it.  It is a bit like undigested food that wants to be processed in a more wholesome way to become part of us.

Children and Emotional Pain

Children learn what to do when they experience emotional pain from the adults around them. If it is the parents who cause the emotional pain, then the child develops thoughts and beliefs to go with these as a coping mechanism, and becomes emotionally numbed.

As we relate, together with our client, to their emotions within the safe confines of therapy, we also help them transform these thoughts and beliefs. Family sessions are especially effective as they allow us to do this for all family members at the same time.

 Destructive Response 

Our automatic reactions in the face of emotional pain stem from the activation of our reptilian brain. Here are a few of these reactions:

1. Anger
2. Physical assault
3. Ridicule
4. Blame
5. Criticism
6. Becoming enemies and looking for vengeance
7. Withdrawal
8. Self-harm
9. Hurting a weaker or more vulnerable living being which has nothing to do with the issue

Although these reactions may sometimes look as if they are protecting us, they do not only make us look bad, but also cause more emotional pain in us and around us.

The effects of these reactions will decrease our quality of life both at the present and in the future.

Constructive Approach 

We need to approach emotional pain that stems from our and our ancestors’ past whether we know it or not; with such awareness that we can induce constructive change at the present and in the future. Here are my suggestions:

1. Do not avoid emotional pain, embrace it with love and cleanse it through Ho’oponopono method.
2. Adopt the principle of not harming another person, being, or object.
3. Develop the intention of being the person who mends, heals and transforms the cycle of pain.
4. Don’t make it personal, what you feel may contain the emotional pain of others too.
5. Calmly stay with your pain without being frightened f it, explore the gifts it brings you.
6. And let your pain transform you and your environment, and make you stronger.

 

Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)image: Francisco Osorio

You can listen to the soundtrack of this video from here.