Divorcing? Be Sure To Ask The Right Questions
“What matters is to ask the right questions, the answers will eventually come.”
Albert Einstein
No one contemplating marriage does so with divorce in mind. Yet the rate of divorce increases with each passing year.
Read on to find out what the right questions are to manage divorce well.
Asking the right questions is a necessary condition to find the right answers but whether it is sufficient depends on your level of consciousness. While you are dwelling on these questions and the answers to them, you may have a tendency to reiterate the mistakes that brought about the divorce in the first place. Here is one last question for you: What is it you are still waiting for to find out?
Pre-divorce Process
We come into relationships with our own individual wounds. In an ideal relationship, these can be healed either with the partner’s support or through attempts to adapt to the their wounds.
This can be an enjoyable journey or an ordeal. When we come up against our limitations (and shadow parts that we cannot accept) we unwittingly project these onto our partner.
Most couples are overwhelmed after they have a child and so fail to invest the necessary effort, time and care in their relationship.
Divorce Means Trauma
Divorce is the admission that one has given up hope. The dreams they had when getting married seem never to come true. Decisions may have been made by one of the partners at first. Yet that partner may not be the best equipped for leadership.
Some decisions can bear the traces of cumulative traumas experienced either in the current relationship or before.
When the a partner starts to make more effort in the marriage, the couple may well be talking about divorce unless the partner who’s asked for it has a change of heart.
During this journey of individualization, each partner may begin to see that the limitations they attributed to the other has its compliment within themselves.
It’s usually men who make an effort to save the marriage at this stage. Women, on the other hand, often claim they would make different decisions were they able to rewind and go back in time.
Of course, there are people who regret nothing looking back.
If one of the partners is insists on divorce, this may mean that this experience is necessary for their psychological growth.
Quite often both partners benefit if they approach divorce positively and give themselves time to heal.
Questions for Couples Going Through Divorce
Ask yourselves and each other:
- How are we going to manage separation with each other and with your children while continuing your individual journeys to greater self-awareness?
- What are the gifts that we’ve imparted to each other?
- What benefits will separation bring?
- How are we going to make sure our children’s perception of the opposite sex, and partner, develops freely?
- Will there be a chance to seek help about the relationship If the feelings of the partner who asks for divorce changes?
- How are we going to organize our relationship with our children so when we have new partners in our lives our parenting remains strong and secure?
Asking the right questions is necessary to discover the right answers. Whether it is sufficient depends on your level of consciousness.
Dwelling on these questions and the answers to them. You may, otherwise, have a tendency to reiterate the mistakes that brought about your divorce in the first place.
This is especially true if your divorcee has not enabled you to take the next psychological step beyond the previous milestones of your life.
So here is one last question for you: What is it your life is helping you discover about yourself?
These are questions to help you achieve healthy emotional separation; for your legal separation the questions you will be asked in the court will be different.
Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)image:Free Images
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