Is A Second Child A Necessity?

As Prince William and his wife Kate have announced they are expecting their third child I am asked if a second child is a necessity.

Paradoxically, Prince William also made a speech recently expressing concern about the world being over-populated. This echoes his grandfather Prince Phillip Duke of Edinburgh’s thoughts that over-population may impact our planet’s ecology and ability for us to feed ourselves.

Couples often find themselves under pressure regarding family size. Their families are seen as too small, or large, depending on their culture.

I, even as the mother of a single child, don’t endorse the position in the Republic of China where couples are only permitted one child, or they face dire punishment.

If you have difficulty making a decision let me help you by clarifying the pros and cons of having a second child and by asking you few questions.  Once you are clear you can ignore the pressure more easily and enjoy living the choices of your life.

Second Child For The Benefit Of The First

Depending on the cultural heritage you received there are some prejudices you and your only child might have to live with.  They are perceived as if:

1. They were deprived of the benefits of a sibling all through their lives.
2. They are supposed to have difficulty socialising with their peers.
3. They always want undivided attention, will be spoilt.
4. They become ill more easily.
5. They are prone to have excessive sensitivity, worries about being ill and trouble expressing anger.
6. They must be high-achieving, motivated, and successful.

However despite these prejudices Psychologists found that in a nutshell only children fared no worse or better in personality or achievement than their counterparts with siblings.

Like anything in life the idea of a second child has both advantages and disadvantages. Here are what people report as pros and cons of each decision:

Advantages Of A Second Child

1. You have done it before, you will enjoy the second time better. A large family is more fun.
2. You hope they will need less attention from you as they can play together,.
3. As your attention is divided your children will be free from being your project. You will tend to be less over-protective overall.
4. Your children will learn to share, argue and make up.
5. They will support each other through hard times.
6. The responsibility to take care of elderly parents in future will be shared.
7. Your child will have the experience of having a larger family.

Disadvantages Of A Second Child

1. Your resources; emotional, financial and one-to-one time will be divided
2. Your parental work load doubles. Your personal time for yourself goes down considerably.
3. It is more difficult to travel and visit places and people as a large family.
4. You get excluded from your children’s system if, they are happy being with each other.
5. They fight a lot of the time and you get annoyed or worry for them.
6. The sibling rivalry can create chaos or even harm them.
7. What if you favour one over the other?

The Criteria To Decide Whether Second Child Is For You Or Not

If these lists are not enough to reflect your conflicts these ideas and questions could help:

1. You are not ‘ buying a toy or a life guarantee’ for your first born. It is not fair on either of them and life does not work in this way.
2. Does a second child fit with your personal and marital aspirations? Is your partner willing and ready to take on a second baby? Or does he feel already neglected and left out?
3. Have you got the emotional, financial, physical resources for another child? Of these three, your emotional strength will be the most important.
4. How will life look in 3-5 and 10 years time? What are the best and worst scenarios with each choice.
5. Are you physically strong enough for the pregnancy and afterwards?
6. If you are a working mother, who will care for your two children? Professionals may have the strength required to raise children, but relatives get older and may require respite.

Of course I need to remind you that in order to come to a satisfactory decision you are to use your emotions, logic as well as your intuition.  Whatever you decide, be sure to share your ideas and experience below. I regularly monitor comments here, as well as on YouTube and in my Facebook group and enjoy reading all the diverse opinions on my postings 🙂