How To Live with Your Fears
Is there anyone who doesn’t know fears? Probably not. But the choices we make when in fear differ.
Some of us dive headfirst into life in spite of their fears while some will lose their backbone to avoid facing them.
Which is more painful?
The agony of holding back, deferring, even lying to ourselves, and others, to prevent our fears from materializing!
This fear may be even worse than the suffering caused by actually seeing our fears materialize.
There is a cognitive groundwork to living with fears. Understanding this helps you to shape your experience through conscious choice.
But understanding is just a start. Knowing how the burden of fear works means nothing unless it translates into experience.
We are all equipped with what it takes to transform our fears. There is a lot we can do to live with joy and happiness, which is our true nature.
Why Must We Have Destructive Fears At All?
We have fears because they had a function in the lives of our ancestors.
Fears belong to the body-mind and help us protect its integrity and existence. For instance, you may be afraid of putting your hand into the fire, and thus you don’t burn your hand and get hurt.
A family which has experienced the loss of a baby in past generations will grow more protective of a newborn. These are useful.
Fear that no longer serves a purpose diverts us from living fully and may even start us heading towards destruction.
For instance, the fear introduced by a father who experienced bankruptcy may be so strong that his son who wishes to start a business may find himself unable to act. The destructiveness arises from the obstruction of the experience by fear.
Yet we can make a constructive contribution to our lives when we approach destructive experiences with a constructive attitude.
Say, a woman who was abused and had her boundaries violated regards people as potential abusers and withdraws from intimacy fearing that she may be hurt again: This would be a destructive approach to an abusive experience.
The most constructive approach to adopt in the face of a destructive experience such as abuse would be to increase our vibration. This way, the low-vibe parts of the people around us that give way to abusive behavior will fail to mesh with our parts, like stripped gears they cannot exist in our realities.
Fears and Life Plan, Couples
The characteristics of this life, the emotions and challenges it involves, will be different for each of us. An experience, even though it may seem constructive, will not serve us if it is based on fear. Even keeping our balance may be diverting us from being in the flow if it is a result of restraining ourselves because of feared consequences.
Sometimes the opposite is true.
Attitudes such as uncontrolled anger, resentment, grudge, threatening to leave, which make it difficult to express real feelings in a couple may lead to a good experience or learning opportunity even though it seems to have an immediate destructive effect for the relationship.
Harville Hendrix, the founder of Imago Therapy, links the reason of his breakup with his ex-wife to the fact that he failed to understand her grief when she lost her father.
He realized this many years later, after he first came to terms with his own grief for his parents’ sudden passing while he was still a child.
He took this realization further to develop a couples therapy approach that serves people and many couples have benefited as a result.
People who fear grief and deny themselves to avoid facing their pain may be unsympathetic, resent, or even judge people who experience mourning naturally.
Intergenerational Fears
Let’s examine how the transmission of fear between individuals in families works.
Mark Wolynn asserts our ancestors’ traumas are recorded in our DNA and explains it with what we have learned from animal experiments as well as many real family histories.
Some of our most potent fears are associated with the judgment of others. These cause us to hide our real thoughts and feelings in order to gain love and approval and avoid exclusion. In some families individuals may even choose careers that do not suit them because of their parents’ fears and end up unhappy. Yet doing so results in neither love, nor approval, because when we pretend to be something we’re not who we truly are cannot be seen, or loved by anyone at all.
How To Live With Our Fears
Fabio Marchesi, scientist, independent researcher, and author of “The Physics of the Soul”, says we are “biological machines that run on happiness”. He explains that quantum physics shows that we’re born to be happy and claims we are nicer, kinder, more honest, understanding, peaceful and creative when we are happy.
We are all equipped with what it takes to transform our fears. There is a lot you can do to live with joy and happiness, which is your true nature. Here are some suggestions:
- Turn down your self preoccupation and dial in gratefulness and appreciation of others.
- Understand that being different doesn’t mean separation.
- Know that, ultimately, we are all connected.
- Increase your vibration.
Master MU says “He who doesn’t live with courage dies in slavery.”
Mohandas Gandhi said “Fear may work but cowardice never does.” His words support the choice of taking risks and diving into life with courage in spite of our fears.
Real freedom lies in our joy and happiness being independent from external conditions.
Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)image:Laura Lewis
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